Comedy Fight Club Theme
by KinkyEyepatchShit
Summary: A set of 'what if' drabbles, containing my four Oc's. Four individuals infiltrate the Mibu compound. On a whim, they struck up a deal, because really, four heads are better than one. Each drabble rated accordingly. R&R flamers can kiss my ass.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Well this is a sort of prequel little drabblish thing to the real story I'm going to eventually write. While Kyo and his companions infiltrate the Mibu, four teenagers do too. Each of them come to fulfill their own goals, whatever they may be (and what you'll learn here). This whole set of drabbles is well, to add a different atmosphere to some of the fics here on (Just to mi things up, fics on here are kickass) and also for you guys to get to know my four people a little better. All of these are 'what ifs' meaning, this is not necessarily the way things will go in the multi chap fic I intend to write in the future. While the SDK characters are definitely in these drabbles (well a few) these will be centered on my four people. Sorry if that disappoints you. Ehe. Updates will be made when I have new ideas, and not all posts will go in chronological order. Please be respectful, and do not flame me. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy!

**You Call THIS a nice lunch break?**

_**All I have dreamed about is killing this man.**_

  
A child charges at the tall man, sword drawn, making a downward swing for his abdomen.

The man side-steps to the left, grabbing the child by the arm and flinging him into the opposite direction, "You need to be prepared for anything, and have a counter attack ready!" he shouts, face emotionless as he watches the child fall to the floor.

He strolls toward the boy and leans over him, "You're not getting serious about this brat," he crosses his arms over his chest, boredom written all over his face.

The child rolls over onto his back and glares up at him, golden eyes fierce, like some sort of animal.

"That's right. Get mad," taunts the man, "then maybe you'll finally be able to kill me."

_**He found me long ago, and gave me a choice.**_

"Well brat? What do ya say? Do you want to die or live?"

Everything was getting hazy, all I could make out where two large green eyes staring down at me, like a cat with it's prey. My body was getting numb, vision fading, but the constant sight were those eyes. Blood pooled around my body, pouring from my open wounds.

"I...want to...live..."

The child growls deep in his throat, and launches himself back on his feet, rushing at the man.

The man dodges again, but smirks as the boy stumbles past him. "Heh, maybe some of my teachings are getting through that thick skull of yours," he states, lifting up his chin where a small stream of blood slowly trickles down the side of his mouth.

SIX MONTHS AGO

_**I finally killed him. As he lays dying, his throat slit, but not enough to affect his speaking capabilities (unfortunately) and blood spurting from various other wounds, he says all he needs to, and manages to annoy me by rambling on and on about useless shit. **_

"Heh...so you finally got...me. Good job, kid. You wanted...to know where you...came from...right?" at this point he coughs, blood sputtering forth from his open mouth and dribbling down his chin.

I stare at him emotionless, as I was taught. So what if he's dying? He was an asshole anyway, my sensei.

"Go deep into...the forest of...Aokigahara...you'll find the land...of the Mibu...and the...answers you seek."

He coughs again and I roll my eyes. Even with his dying breath, he's dramatic. Asshole.

"Is that it?" I ask. I'm ready to head on to this forest, and the land of the Mibu.

"They're...strong...get stronger...you have to..." He drones on. Che, get to the point already, and die.

"Wrath...be careful...ok?"

I sigh, "Yeah yeah, whatever. Fucking pass on to the next life already."

He narrows those green eyes at me, "Have respect…for your dying master...you piece of shit..."

"Whatever asshole. You need to hurry up and die so I can get going," I snap in irritation.

He glares again, I'm sure his vision is already growing dark. "Just...be...safe...and remember all the...stuff I've...taught you..."

His head starts to lull to the side, eyes closing, "See you...in the next life...shithead..." his breath wheezes in and out, and with a shudder, ceases.

I stand, stuffing my hands into my pockets. With one last glance at the cooling body at my feet, I then march out of the building, ready to start this new journey.

My name is Wrath. I don't remember where I came from, or who I really am. All I know is, the answers i want are in the land of the Mibu. I'm sure this is gonna be a pain in the ass. Not really looking forward to it either. 

PRESENT TIME

If I could go back in time and do this all over again, I'd NEVER go with these idiots anywhere! I wouldn't even let them escort me to the toilet.

First we've got the serious guy, who's constantly trying to look cool. His name is Wrath, and right now, he's sitting across from me on a bench, idly twirling a dagger between his fingers and staring into space with boredom in his golden eyes. He takes a moment to swipe strands of dark auburn hair from his face, sending the mindless little waitresses at this restaurant into a frenzy, each trying to get a good look at him.

Apparently Wrath is an assassin, and he's off to the Mibu land. Really, is he crazy? I've heard about them, though I won't give away my source, but from what I understand, they're ruthless and bloodthirsty for power. They will tear up this short, black clad teen in an instant.

Next is the coward slash thief of the group, rapidly chatting up a few of the girls in the gaggle of them that surround our table.  
This idiot is named Ares, and unlike his name sake, he's anything but a fearless god of war. The moment danger comes his way; he takes off in the opposite direction, leaving the fighting to us. Not that I mind, and I'm sure Wrath doesn't either. It's nothing that the two of us can't handle. 

Anyway, Ares is an idiot, plain and simple. But a thief. A good one. He can easily swipe the change purse of the most guarded of businessmen without even drawing an ounce of suspicion. His weapon of choice? Nun-chucks. Yeah that's right, Nun-chucksWhat the hell is he supposed to do with those, besides swing 'em around and maybe scare the crap out of people if he makes that weird face he always does. I don't see how scary it is, he just looks constipated to me. Unless the people he 'scares' are more frightened of him shitting himself rather than actually causing them bodily harm. Hmm, who knows.

"Nana, what are you going to order?" asks Wrath boredly.

I blink in confusion, and finally notice the waitress staring expectantly at me, while sneaking glances at the auburn haired teen across from me.

"Oh, I just want some dango," I reply with a gracious smile.

The girl nods, scribbles my order down, and shuffles into the kitchen to tell the cook the order.

I sigh and rest my face in my open palm, frowning at Ares who continues to flirt, "Oi moron, quit yakking and keep your eyes on the target," I snap.

Ares ignores me and continues to talk, and I swear those girls shot me angry looks, that almost scared me. Then I remembered my other partner. And I don't mean Wrath. Meh, I'll be ok.

The brunette idiot flinches and jumps up in his seat, alarmed eyes shifting from me to Wrath.

"What?" I demand, having had it with his annoying crap.

"Er...nothing!" he chirps, upon seeing my look, "Anyway, you girls better get back to work. But don't worry, we'll see each other again...its destiny!" The girls eat up every word. What airheads.

So our target is a middle aged business man, wanted for extortion of some big boss up in Edo. The details don't really matter, what does matter is, we're getting paid.

No, we're not really bounty hunters. We just do whatever for some cash. You could say we're sort of freelancers.

"This guy is taking forever to make his move," grumbles Ares, poking at the table with a toothpick. Where did he get that...? Whatever, it doesn't matter.

"He'll have to do something eventually. He's been on the run for awhile now," says Wrath calmly, "Just sit down and shut up. You're getting annoying."

"I am not annoying!" exclaims Ares, glaring at the auburn haired assassin.

Wrath stares at him levelly, not saying a word. Less than five seconds later, Ares stands down, looking away with a frown, while  
The auburn haired teen smirks in triumph.

Suddenly, the trouble begins. Four tall muscled thugs stroll into the restaurant, weapons already drawn.

"OSAKI HIRO WE'RE HERE FOR YOU! SURRENDER NOW!" one of them shouts in a loud booming voice, drawing the stares of patrons of the restaurant.

I sigh, "Oh great, here we go."

One of them over-heard me. He approaches our table, waving a studded club around threateningly, "You have something smart to say, girl?" he growls at me, face drawing close to mine. Way too close, I can smell his awful rancid breath.

I recoil with disgust, "Yeah, do something about that breath of yours, it offends me." 

Some of the costumers explode into nervous giggles, as if the danger was over.

The thug glares at me, "You little bitch!" he exclaims, swinging his club down toward me.

Rolling my eyes, I dodge left, just as the club smashes into the bench, rendering it into sharp pieces.

"Look, why don't you go sit down and get some sake or something, leave the bounties to the professionals," I taunt.

"Nana, I don't think this is a very good idea," whimpers Ares from his hiding position under the table, hands covering his eyes.

"Oh yeah?" Growls thug number two, coming to stand behind Wrath, bloody knife raised, "You won't have anything smart to say once I kill your little friend."

I shrug, "Go ahead and try. I can't really guarantee your safety though." 

Face screwed up with rage, the thug plunges the knife toward Wrath's exposed neck. In an instant, the auburn haired teen whips out an arm, grabs the thug by his wrist and stops the lame attempt at murder.

"I think you'd better listen to the girl if you value your life," He states, squeezing the thugs wrist until bones crack.

The thug screams in agony at the top of his lungs, cradling his broken wrist as soon as Wrath releases him.

"YOU BASTARD!" he shrieks hysterically, "YOU GUYS! KILL THEM! AND DON'T LET OSAKI GET AWAY!" he commands.

Hmm, he must be the leader of this sorry crew then. Interesting development.

Our target then rushes out the door without a moment's hesitation, leaving the thugs in a stunned stupor.

"What should we do boss?" one questions.

"GO AFTER HIM YOU MORON!" shouts their boss.

Not needing a second more, two of them take off after the target.

Wrath stands, "Ares, get up from under the table," he states, "And Nana," he meets my eyes, "Pay up."

With that, he shoots out the door.

"WHAT?!" I shout, "you son of a bitch, don't leave me with the tab!!!" I scream after his retreating back.

I turn to Ares, "Why don't you," I stop. The idiot is nowhere in sight. He took off. 

"BASTARDS!!!!!!"

"Er miss, p-please don't make any more t-trouble.."

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!!"

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000  
** haha so this is a kind of prologue to this AU I wanna do. Yes, SDK charries will be involved, I wouldn't have posted this on here otherwise. What do ya think? everyone still needs lotsa tweaking with their personalities and stuff (and I need to work on my spelling sigh)**

Nana scary girl  
Wrath 'too cool' assassin  
Arescoward. haha. Naw I lied, he's the thief. 


	2. Chapter 2:Never can get a break, can we?

Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai Deeper Kyo. That means the Mibu and their soldiers. I own Wrath, Nana and Ares though.

A/N: This is a scenario in which Ares, Nana and Wrath meet up. They are in an unknown location (apparently snooping around) when Mibu soldiers come to eliminate them. No, don't ask me why, and what the hell Mibu soldiers are doing (a whole bunch of them) killing three people when only a few assassins were needed. They just felt like getting…some exercise? (shrug)

**Never can get a Break, can we?**

A body collapses to the ground, blood spurting like a fountain from it's abdomen, forming a pool on the ground around the ragged corpse.

"So what do you say? Wanna partner up?" questions the dark green haired girl, with a flick of her wrist flinging the blood from the black katana in her hand.

The other teens gaze flickers toward her as he's crouched on the ground, kicking out with his left foot. The spiked tip of his boot connects with a solid jaw, dropping the dark clad soldier on his back, and into blissful unconsciousness.

"I'll think about it," replies the auburn haired teen, "besides, I don't even know your name, or your story."

The girl smirks, swinging her katana in a diagonal arc across another soldier, blood spurting from his chest as he cries out in agony and collapses.

"My name is Nana," she states, "and as for my story, all you need to know is that the Mibu have something of mine, and i want it back. Now Wrath, esteemed assassin, it's my turn to ask the questions." She points a long tanned finger at the brunette male cowering in the shadows of an overhead tree. "Who's that guy with you?"

The teen, now identified as Wrath, follows her gaze and pointed finger, and sighs in exasperation, "That's Ares. He's an idiot. and apparently a thief. He's just being nosey and tagging along," he explains.

"I AM NOT A COWARD!" shrikes the third member of their rag-tag team, "I'm just surprised and freaked out! How the hell was I supposed to know we'd be ambushed by Mibu soldiers!"

Wrath sighs once more and reaches for the two miniature scythes hanging from a chain on one of his belt loops, "Then you shouldn't have followed me. It's not like I woke up with the intention of being ambushed either. And no one called you a coward. Out loud."

He holds one of the scythes by the grip on the underside of the curved blade, and swings the other one in front of him counter clockwise. Wrath flings it forward.

It embeds itself in a soldiers left shoulder, taking him by surprise, and coupled with the force of the blow, and the force Wrath used to pull backward, the soldier's shoulder abruptly split in two, blood spraying high into the air, splattering the tree trunks and grass in the surrounding area. The body collapses in a heap, the soldier emitting a gurgled cry of pain.

"So these guys are Mibu soldiers? Interesting," comments the young assassin.

"You mean you didn't know?" asks Nana, an eyebrow raised skeptically.

A soldier approaches her from behind, leaving Nana seemingly unaware.

Unfortunately for him, she caught onto him.

With a single thrust into the space above her right shoulder, Nana impales his skull, blood bursting from the wound. The soldier freezes in his tracks, eyes wide.

And as Nana removes the sword with a sickening squelch, blood shoots out, making a brief pattern of crimson into the air as he collapses to the ground, motionless.

"Well it's not like they exactly announced 'hey we're the Mibu and we're here to kill you," says Wrath defensively, cursing as a soldier manages to take a slice at his face, blood trickling down his cheek. He moves forward, jerking an elbow out and catching the soldier in the throat, killing him instantly.

"No they didn't announce it like a buncha morons, but we are trespassing and snooping! In their territory!" Ares shouts, suddenly shrieking in fear as a soldier spots him from within his shadows and starts to approach him.

"As if I actually give a shit. I go wherever i please," mutters Wrath.

"You can come save me anytime now!" wails Ares, staring wide eyed at the soldier, his approach inevitable.

Wrath spins around on the ball of his left foot, slitting the throat of one soldier, while kicking another in the stomach,  
"Remember what i said earlier? You're on your own. You have nun-chucks, so you should be fine, anyway."

"Wrath you're a rude bastard and i hate you!" shouts Ares, about ready to crawl into the fetal position, "Nana, was it? You look like you have some compassion, YOU save me!" he whines.

"Like I give flying fuck," murmurs Wrath, rolling his eyes at the brunettes actions.

The green haired girl sighs, placing a hand on her hip, "It's not my job to save you! you brought this on yourself." She then turns back to the battle.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" commands a booming male voice.

Both teens pause, and Nana takes a moment to punch a soldier in the face, rendering him unconscious.

A knife was held to Ares' throat, the only soldier not unconscious or dead standing behind the brunette, the other hand holding onto the back of his shirt.

"You see, this is what happens when you jerks refuse to save me!" whines the captive teen.

Nana glares at him, "It's your own fault for getting caught! God you ARE an idiot! You have legs, you could have run!" she scolds him needlessly.

"Plus, you didn't have to follow me in the first place, dumbass," states Wrath boredly.

"ENOUGH!" exclaims the soldier, "On behalf of the Mibu clan, we command you to stop snooping into matters that do not concern you! Maggots like you should be honored that we would even reveal ourselves to you, let alone proceed with a mercy killing," he states.

"It's friendly snooping, ya know?" squeaks Ares, Adams' apple bobbing nervously.

"Silence!" snaps the soldier, pressing the blade harder against his skin, small droplets of blood trickling down the teens' neck.

Ares whimpers, "Sorry!"

The soldier moves the blade, until it presses directly against Ares' jugular vein, "Perhaps the death of your companion will teach you not to be so cheeky, hmm?" he muses.

A loud sigh emits from one of the other two teens.

Wrath stood with his hands in his pockets, shoulders slouched lazily, "Go ahead and kill him already. As you can tell he's pretty damn annoying," he states, "That is unless you're too chicken to do it?"

Ares wails again in panic, "WRATH! You heartless bastard!"

Nana crosses her arms over her chest, katana held loosely at hand, "Look, even if you do kill him, we'll avenge his death easily. You're all alone. Your comrades are dead, dying, or unconscious."

The soldier suddenly smirks in triumph, "One would think so. But you obviously underestimate the great Mibu. And that will be your downfall."

Suddenly the corpses start to rise to their feet, and the littered limbs once in disarray begin to shift, shapes contorting into something new. New bodies.

"What the fuck?" murmurs Wrath in surprise, golden eyes wide in awe.

"Zombies!" shouts Ares, "they're fucking zombies!" he shrieks hysterically.

Nana frowns, having moved into position, katana poised, "Well this is some situation we've gotten ourselves into."

Wrath narrows his eyes, "I hate zombies." He tightens his grasp on his scythes.

Ares stares at him, "Wait, you've dealt with zombies before? you know how to kill them?" he asks with a twinge of hope in his voice.

Wrath shrugs, "No. Zombies are just freaky."

Two of the zombie-soldiers rush the auburn haired teen, weapons drawn.

The first swings his daggers toward the teens unprotected back, while the second brings his sword down toward Wrath's chest.

Wrath uses the left scythe to block the sword, then grabs the soldier by the wrist and pulls him in front of himself, just as the other solider comes within a few inches of his back.

He stabs his comrade, blood spraying.

Wrath steps back from the impaled soldier and admires his handy work.

Instead of collapsing dead to the ground, the stabbed soldier merely removes the dagger calmly from his vessel and returns them to his comrade.

"See, this is why I hate zombies," comments Wrath, a calm expression on his face.

"How can you be so calm?! We're about to be killed!" screams Ares, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

"So I guess we've got to kill them all in one go, huh?" muses Nana.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CALM TOO?!" shrieks Ares.

"Shut up," states Wrath, a small tick mark popping up on his forehead, "We're not going to die."

Soldiers quickly rush at them from all angles.

Suddenly a bright blue light illuminates the forest, blinding everyone with it's intensity. The moment it flashes, just a split second, the zombies stop in their tracks. And burst into pillars of blue flame. Flesh rapidly falls from the bone, chilling screams of surprise and agony ringing through the night air.

Ares screams and jumps away from the burning solider holding him captive, wide eyed at the display.

"W-what's going on?" he asks.

"Hear this," the soldier states, "Even if you destroy us, even more powerful foes will pursue you if you continue to snoop into Mibu affairs. And they will kill you."

He tumbles to his knees, the flesh already burned from them, and with one more glare with his melting eyes, he collapses to the ground on his stomach. The flame completely consumes him, leaning naught but ash.

The three teens are silent, gazing into the slowly dying embers.

"You guys...what just happened?" Murmurs Ares.

Nana shrugs, seemingly unaffected, "I've no idea. But whatever it was, it saved our asses. I definitely didn't have a plan B."

The rattle of chains against metal sound as Wrath tucks his scythes into his belt look without a word.

Nana sheathes her sword and holds it at her side, "Well? You never answered me. Wanna team up? You're damn strong, and you know how to handle yourself in tough situations. Unlike some people," she shoots a disapproving look at Ares.

The brunette sputters in protest, "That guy held me hostage! I couldn't do anything!"

Nana rolls her eyes, "You could have kneed him in the balls or something. "

"I'm not gonna do that to another guy! It's just not right. Plus he's a zombie, he probably would have just brushed it off, and killed me!" retorts Ares.

"What a shame that would be," mutters Nana sarcastically, "Anyway, without further interruption from idiots, what's your answer Wrath?"

Wrath glances at her, ignoring Ares' angry sputtering, "Why are you so damn insistent on going to the Mibu base? And teaming up with me in the first place?"

"Like I said before, you're strong, and it'd be better for two strong people to go, rather than going solo," she explains.

"I'm going too!" exclaims Ares.

Wrath stuffs his hands into this pockets and slouches his shoulders, "Whatever this thing is, you really think it's worth risking your life for?" he asks.

Nana smirks, "Of course! So why are you going?"

The auburn haired teen regards her silently, "You'll just have to find out, won't you?" he replies a moment later, as he turns his back on them and starts to slowly walk away.

"I guess that means we're a team then," states Nana triumphantly, running a hand through her long green locks.

"Hey! You didn't ask me why I'm going!" whines Ares.

Nana glares at him, "That's because you're not going."

The brunette stamps his foot, setting his lips in a thin stubborn line, "Yes i am! I have to get the Mibu treasure!"

Nana scoffs, "That doesn't even exist. I mean they are uber rich and shit, but I doubt they have all their wealth in a safe or a vault somewhere in the castle. Dumbass."

"It does so exist!" shouts Ares.

"Stop shouting and start moving!" commands Wrath, briefly glancing over his shoulder.

Nana places her hands on her hips sternly, "Who appointed YOU team leader? I'm the one who invited you to join me."

Ares grins, argument over the basis of the Mibu treasure forgotten, and folds his arms behind his head, "Cuz team leader is a mans job," he states solemnly.

The green haired girl gazes at him blankly as he starts to pass her. She then sticks out a foot, which Ares trips over, and then proceeds to fall on his face with a high pitched yelp.

Nana grins innocently, "Better be careful Ares. You never know what random piece of rock you'll trip over," she advises, and with that, she strides past him.

Ares downed figure immediately jumps up, sputtering grass and the remnants of a clod of dirt, "Nana you rude bitch! Get back here and fight me!" he shouts, rising to his feet and running after her.

"If I fight you, you'll loose," replies Nana, smirking evilly.

Ares then proceeds to shout a number of choice works, all in which the green haired girl ignores.

"Both of you shut the hell up. Damn you're annoying. I'm starting to regret this," mutters Wrath, a deep scowl set on his features.

"You'll realize the fun in teasing Ares quite soon young grasshopper," says Nana mockingly, patting him on the shoulder.

Wrath glances at her, annoyance within the depths of his eyes, "Right," he says sarcastically, brushing the hand off of his shoulder and pulling ahead of his companions.

A low growl resounds from behind them. Loud approaching stomps ring through the air.

"I GOT YOU!" shouts Ares, bringing his outstretched arms down toward Nana in an arc.

But before the brunette was even within a hairsbreadth of her, Nana sidesteps to the left.

Ares yelps, and being unable to stop his forward motion, trips on an uprooted tree stump and falls flat on his face with a thump.

Nana immediately bursts into laughter, holding her sides.

"I have a feeling this is going to be a reoccurring situation," Wrath observes, a dark eyebrow raised.

The only female of the group throws her head back and guffaws loudly, "Did you see that?!" she exclaims between bouts of laughter, "Flat on his face!"

Wrath sighs, rolling his eyes skyward wearily.

And just then, Ares manages to pull himself from his embarrassing position, chunks of mud and grass sticking to his dirt streaked face. His eyes narrowed angrily, promising a slow, agonizing death to the culprit.

"Nana," he calls out in a raspy voice, reaching out a hand for her, grasping at air.

"My that looked painful, plus you're all muddy. Poor thing," coos the green haired girl mockingly, lips pursed in a look that would usually demonstrate sympathy. If not for the amusement dancing in her eyes.

"Kill," murmurs Ares, "I'll kill you..." he chants, slowly rising from the mud, "DIE NANA!!" he screams, lunging for her, black nun-chucks swinging toward her surprised face.

Nana quickly unsheathes her katana and blocks the weapon, smirking at the one very frustrated Ares.

"Not bad," she states, "maybe you won't be so useless after all."

Wrath, having watched the fight silently, speaks up, "Let's get out of here. They could send more soldiers for us at any time. And I'm hella hungry."

Nana wrinkles her nose at Ares, "And YOU need a bath," she adds.

Ares smirks knowingly, tucking his nun-chucks into a loose fold of his dark shirt.

The green haired girl raises an eyebrow inquisitively, "What are you smirking about? You've fallen flat on your face in the mud twice now."

Ares approaches her, pulling something a metallic black color from his pocket, "Yeah I fell, but I managed to get this," he grabs Nana's unoccupied hand and places the black thing in her palm.

Nana blinks, staring down at her open hand in disbelief, "What? When'd you get my hair clip!?" she asks, lifting a hand to the left side of her head, only to find the hair clip that's supposed to be there, gone.

"Hehe, you'll never know," Ares replies, walking away from her, "And THAT'S why I'll be the one to steal the Mibu treasure!"

Nana scowls at him, "We'll see when we get there." She crosses her arms over her chest and marches after the guys.

Ares wears a triumphant grin, reaches up to wipe a piece of grass from his forehead, and continues on after Wrath.

Nana shakes her head in exasperation, "What a team."

"Watch out for the dog shit," murmurs Wrath.

"What?" asks Ares, glancing at the auburn haired teen in confusion.

A split second later, he shrieks loudly as his foot descends into the dog shit. Silence reigns for about a second.

"UGH THAT'S SICK!" exclaims Nana, moving about a foot away from the brunette.

Ares was too busy screaming curses at either the dog (for taking a shit there), Nana (for distracting him) Wrath (For telling him a second too late) or hell, he was just bitching in general.

"I told you to watch out," says Wrath, from his position five feet ahead of his companions, a bored expression on his face.

"You said it QUIETLY! Not to mention, you told me a second before I actually stepped in it, not giving me enough time to move!" shouts Ares, tears of frustration gathering in the corners of his eyes.

"Look, it doesn't matter whose fault it is!" snaps Nana, "YOU" she points at Ares, "are going to burn those shoes. And take at least four baths. UNDERSTAND?"

Ares nods silently, eyes wide. Nana was pointing at him, not with a finger, but with her blood smeared katana.

"And you," she focuses her attention on Wrath, "are going to let us stay with you. You DO have a place to stay for the night, right?"

The auburn haired teen shrugs, "Not really," he replies coolly, unfazed by Nana's piercing stare.

"Then we're going into town and we'll find a place to stay," says the green haired girl, "and you're paying."

That sentence elicits a snort of contempt from Wrath, "Psh, yeah right. I'm an assassin, do you really think I have much money handy?" he states.

Nana frowns, "Well I certainly don't have enough to pay for three people," she says. A pause.

Two pairs of eyes stare at Ares, who held one shoe in hand, the other probably long buried by now. He blinks in confusion, "Huh? Why are you guys staring at me like that? Do i have something on my face? Besides dirt, of course," he rambles.

Nana smirks evilly, slowly approaching the brunette, "You're a big bad thief right?"

The other teen nods, steadily growing more nervous, imagining sharp teeth and fox ears added onto the green haired girls form, her expression sly.

"And since you're a thief, you must have some money," continues Wrath.

Ares imagines two red devil horns appearing atop the auburn haired teens' forehead.

"Oh no, I am NOT buying you guys a damn thing!" exclaims Ares, trying to stutter in fear, "This money," he takes his wallet out from his back pocket, the movement catching the eye of the other two teens, "is my treasure! One day, I'll be the greatest thief that has ever lived, and I'll be filthy rich!" he proclaims boastfully.

Unfortunately for him, Ares doesn't notice the dangerous predicament until his two companions have him cornered against a conveniently placed boulder.

"You're going to get us some rooms at an inn," growls Nana dangerously, holding her katana close to Ares' neck.

The brunette in turn gulps nervously, staring wide eyed at the green haired girl in fear.

Nana glares at him, waiting expectantly for something unknown.

She finally shoots a narrow eyed stare at Wrath, and elbows him in the side.

The auburn haired teen blinks, and gazes at her with boredom radiating from his expression, "Huh?"

Nana growls, stomping her foot in indignation, "You're supposed to scare the shit out of him by looking intimidating you bastard!"

Wrath shrugs, "I'm hungry, and the idiot knows he's going to pay for stuff anyway. He's pretty shitfaced scared," he replies.

Nana's left eyebrow twitches, "That's not the point!" and she proceeds to rant about stupid men.

Wrath, having finally been fed up with this, comes up with a simple plan.

"Hey look, a distraction!" he exclaims with a mock look of surprise, pointing off in some random direction.

Nana falls for it, eyes wide in alarm, "What?" she whips her head around to peer closely at where Wrath's pointing.

Realization quickly dawns on her. "WRATH!"

She turns back around, only to be met with the auburn haired teens retreating back.

"I'll catch up with you guys later, ja ne!" he says, lifting a hand in vague farewell.

"That punk! Damn him!" hisses Nana. A moment passes, "But where'd Ares go?"

She didn't have to ponder long on that one, because once she turns back toward the boulder, she spots the rear end of the brunette sticking out from behind it.

"Ares, do you really think I can't see you?" Nana inquires, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I can't see you, so you can't see me!" replies Ares.

"I can see you," deadpans Nana.

Ares whimpers in fear, clutching his head within his hands.

Nana reaches over and grabs the brunette by the shirt, hauling him onto his feet.

"Stop whining fool!" she commands harshly.

Upon the meeting of gray eyes to blue, Ares immediately covers his own eyes with his hands.

Nana grabs his earlobe and begins to drag him down the grassy hill, "You dumbass! Look, here's what we're gonna do: first we go into town, YOU are buying rooms at the inn, you take about five baths, we get food and hope, like a stray cat, Wrath realizes he doesn't have enough money to buy himself food and comes crawling back to us!" she explains.

"BACK EVIL SHE-DEVIL!" shouts Ares, struggling within the grasp of Nana, his ear turning an awful shade of red.

For the she-devil comment, Nana smacks him over the head with a fist, "I'm not a devil! shut up and start walking properly, before i really give you something to cry about!"

"Is that you grandma? I see a light! I'm coming to join you Eliza!" Ares rants and raves. What a moron.

Nana stares at him in silent disbelief for a moment. Then, snapping out of the thoughts of how such a retard could exist, she snaps, "Will you grow up already! You're not dying, but if you continue this nonsense, I WILL kill you!"

"Ok!" says Ares, a little too quickly, "But I was sure I saw a demon in your place a moment ago..." he trails off, a thoughtful look on his face.

The green haired girl gives his ear a savage twist, "I'LL SHOW YOU A DEMON YOU LITTLE TWIT!"

"AHHHHH! MY EAR! IT'S BLEEDING! YOU'LL TWIST IT OFF! SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THIS SHE-DEVIL!"

"I AM NOT A DEVIL!"

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000  
So yeah when I wrote this, there were TONS of errors, like spelling, so now I'm actually not that lazy for once (and tired outta my mind) so I'm going back to fix a few errors. read and review please.


	3. Chapter 3:WTF zombies!

**Title: What if  
**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Samurai Deeper Kyo. That means its characters, weapons, locations, the whole thing. I do own Wrath, Nana, Ares and Merrick. **

**Also, I do NOT own the title of this fic in general, I keep forgetting to disclaim. I don't know who owns it, but me and ipperne were talking about my specialty in writing fics (isn't romance or action) its random comedy and acts of violence. Thus, this was born.**

**This also takes place in a part of volume twenty three of Samurai Deeper Kyo. I love that one. (sigh) **

**A/N: So eventually I'm going to write a fic, (a real meaningful one..) about these four and their journey into the Mibu land. But for now, this is just one of their many misadventures. Rated for Language, gore, and a touchy feely Merrick. **

**WTF Zombies?!******

"So is anyone else a little unnerved over the fact that no one, not even any guards came to stop us from just waltzing right in here?" questions Ares, as he and his other three companions make their way down the long hall. This was in fact, just one pathway filled with numerous tall, stone pillars.

"No, not really," replies Nana nonchalantly, eyes roving about their surroundings. "But what unnerves me is Merrick insisting on walking behind us," she continues, refusing to make eye contact with the older raven haired man behind them.

"What, can't a guy enjoy the view from here?" asks Merrick innocently, whistling at said view, "I mean, who knew a little brat with such a prude attitude would have such a nice ass?" he adds.

"Which death would you prefer: poisoning? Drowning? Or would you like me to decapitate you right here?" inquires Wrath, suddenly appearing behind Merrick, one of his mini scythes poised against the older mans' throat.

"Oh Wrath-chan, I didn't know you could be so forceful. Paints me a brand new prospective on you," says Merrick with a grin.

"How about I paint your prospective red, with your own blood?" threatens Wrath coolly.

"Let's not get too hasty, it was just a joke, hehehe," replies Merrick nervously, hands held upright defensively.

"HA! LOOK WHOSE THE COWARD NOW!" boasts Ares, pointing a finger a the raven haired man with a look of triumph.

"It's still you," deadpans Nana, "but now you've also had the title 'biggest idiot,' added to your many others," she adds.

"You know, she's right," agrees Merrick with a smirk.

Wrath sighs in exasperation, once again questions the sanity he had the moment he agreed to join this bandwagon to hell, and then releases Merrick.

"I knew you'd change your mind," chirps Merrick cheerfully, "Thanks for not killing me."

The auburn haired teen ignores him, and promptly takes his position at the head of the group, as some sort of leader, "Whatever. Stop looking at my ass. We all agreed we'd get in and out real quick, right? So enough talking," he states.

"You like it in and out real quick, don't you Wrath-chan?" purrs Merrick behind him, only to duck a shuriken that was tossed at him, "That wasn't very nice."

"Quit it you pervert," snaps Wrath, "Your lame sexual comments are getting real old. Kinda like you."

That causes snickers from the other two.

"I'm only 19, I AM NOT OLD! NEITHER ARE MY COMMENTS!" exclaims the raven haired man loudly. 

"Where do you suppose the guards are?" asks Nana, suddenly changing the subject.

"Maybe taking a shit?" suggests Ares innocently.

"All at the same time? That's very unlikely, unless the food here sucks or something," replies the green haired girl, "plus, do you really think they have enough bathrooms for all of the soldiers to take a shit at the same time? I don't think so."

"You're both retards," deadpans Wrath solemnly, "They're probably expecting someone else to come, and they're getting ready for them. Or something like that," he states.

"Oi...don't change the subject like that," Merrick mumbles sourly, "That's not cool."

"Silence worm," orders Wrath, "You have no say in what's cool and what's not."

Suddenly they come to a vast space at the end of the long corridor. They weren't alone.

"Well I guess they're not all taking a shit at once. So much for your theory, Ares," states Merrick with a bitter smirk, finally removing his hands from his pockets, ready to go.

"I don't suppose they'll let us go, will they?" squeaks Ares quietly, eyes wide.

"You really need to rethink that statement," says Nana, unsheathing her sword and holding it straight out in front of her.

"Any ideas kiddies?" asks the raven haired man, glancing at each of his companions expectantly.

Surrounding them were countless Mibu soldiers, each baring their weapon of choice, banners with the Mibu symbol held high on poles, fluttering in the breeze.

"We are the Mibu's strike force, disciples of the shadow god. All who fight the Mibu shall die!" One of them declares in a booming voice.

"Strike force? Are these the same guys that attacked us before?" questions Wrath slowly.

"OF COURSE THEY ARE YOU IDIOT!" shrieks Ares, "THEY'RE THE MIBU! THEY'RE PROBABLY WAITING TO TAKE REVENGE ON US FOR KILLING THEIR TEAMMATES THAT ONE TIME!" he continues on hysterically.

"Pipe down drama queen," Nana reprimands, "We need to think this through. Calmly." 

Wrath nods in agreement, and walks forward.

"Huh? Wrath-chan, what are you doing?" inquires Merrick nervously, starting to take a step toward the auburn haired teen.

"Testing something," replies Wrath, as he comes face to face with a single soldier. He takes his two hand scythes from the belt loops of his pants, and thrusts them forward, impaling the soldier where he stood, blood flies through the air. The solider collapses in a bloody heap at Wrath's feet.

"WRATH WHAT THE HELL?!" screams Ares, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!"

"I am not going to die like this," growls Nana, eyes narrowed, "I still have to get back what these bastards took from me!" she proclaims, "Besides...I always pictured myself dying in the arms of some good looking guy, gazing down on me lovingly."

"I think it's time you rethink that statement," says Merrick, "Cuz that was just stupid."

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Ares wails hysterically, "HOW CAN YOU ALL BE SO CALM?!" he continues.

"We're not going to die. Shut the fuck up," snaps Wrath, idly twirling his bloodied scythe, "So just calm down."

"You have a plan?" Merrick inquires, raising an eyebrow at the alburn haired teen.

"I KNEW YOU'D FIGURE SOMETHING OUT WRATH! I HAD FAITH IN YOU!" exclaims Ares excitedly, tears of relief gathering in his eyes.

"Whatever you little traitor, you were two seconds away from turning around and running from the scene with your tail between your legs," states Nana with a roll of her eyes.

"I do have a plan," Wrath begins, as the soldier at his feet stands, the gaping wounds in his abdomen closing.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ZOMBIES!!!!!!" shrieks Ares, and with that, he turns tail and runs, back the way the four of them had come.

"Shit," curses Merrick softly, eyes trained on the other soldiers as they start to approach their group.

"DAMMIT I KNEW THAT LITTLE ASSHAT WOULD RUN!" shouts Nana, gritting her teeth with rage.

"Yeah well, what are you gonna do?" says Wrath nonchalantly.

"I'm gonna run after that little shit and give him a piece of my mind!" replies Nana, spinning on her heel and running after their fleeing companion., "You don't just abandon your comrades like that!"

"And you act like that's not what you're doing, just now," comments Merrick sarcastically. He smirks, one that should, in all human possibilities, split his face open, "But hey, I'm not complaining, it's just you and me Wrath-chan," he coos.

"Yeaaaaaah, I don't think so," replies Wrath's, and Merrick suddenly notices that it sounds distant. He glances over to where the auburn haired teens voice was, and gawks.

Wrath stares back at him calmly, from the entrance to the corridor they came from.

"WERE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME HERE TO THESE THINGS?!" shrieks the raven haired man, waving his arms in the air.

Wrath nods, "Yeah, pretty much. Bye now," he replies, turning away from his companion and starting the long sprint back to safety. Or as safe as you can get in the Mibu territory.

Merrick growls angrily, and starts after the auburn haired teen, "Wrath-chan, you can't get rid of me that easily!"

Oh, I'm sure he'll try. 

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Oh I can't bear the thought of not seeing the old demon eyes Kyo again!" whines Akari loudly.

"Yeah," agrees Hotaru in monotone.

Demon Eyes Kyo and his companions stood in the corridor that led to the four doors that lead to the Onmyo Shrine. (Whew, a lot of leading, huh?). They were all gathered around the bloody and weary Izumo-no-Okuni as she finishes her tale.

"You agree?" Akari, the pink haired shaman, directs this question to Okuni, who nods,

"Oh, yes," she agrees.

"You people. Talk about misplaced priorities," mutters Benitora wearily.

"So, how do you know Kyo? Tell me everything, and I'll heal you," says Akari, kneeling beside the large breasted woman.

"Ask anything, I have no secrets, and these boobs are real too," replies Okuni with a seductive smile.

Suddenly, a young teen with spiky brown hair and wide, frightened gray eyes runs their way, screaming, "AAAHHHH ZOMBIES!!" at the top of his lungs.

A few seconds later, a girl with dark green hair and dark eyes runs after him, "YOU WON'T BE WORRYING ABOUT THOSE ZOMBIES BY THE TIME I'M DONE WITH YOU, TRAITOR!" she shouts, lunging at him, tackling him to the ground.

"AHHHH!!! NANA'S GONNA KILL ME! HELLP!" screams the brunette as he struggles with the girl on the floor.

Another teen approaches, rolling his eyes skywards, " Jeez Nana, Ares, you guys need to grow up," he mumbles slowly, running a hand through his auburn hair, "Look you're drawing attention to yourself," he adds, gaze flickering toward Kyo and his companions, who stare in silent shock.

Loud footsteps sound, and someone else comes their way, a man with raven hair pulled into a tall Mohawk, bright blue eyes shining with triumph, panting, out of breath, "Wrath-chan, I caught up to you!" he exclaims triumphantly.

"Oh joy," says the auburn haired teen, Wrath, sarcastically, "I'm so happy Merrick, I'm having some trouble expressing my joy."

Merrick grins, snaking an arm around the short teens waist, "Don't worry, just let me express my joy, Wrath-chan," he states huskily.

"W-What the hell? Zombies?" pipes up Tora, "What was he talking about?" 

Wrath glances at him, golden eyes sharp, "Nothing, don't worry about it," he replies dismissively, stomping on a half unconscious Merricks' face with little, to no remorse.

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT?!" shrieks Ares, suddenly out of Nana's grasp, face streaked with dirt, clothes wrinkles, "THERE ARE ZOMBIES THAT WAY MAN! DON'T GO! THEY'LL EAT YOUR BRAINS!" he continues hysterically.

"I think he's hurt. In the brain. Has he hit his head lately?" pipes up Hotaru slowly.

"I don't think you've got the right to ask that, seeing as you've probably been dropped on your head as a child," states Akira solemnly.

Nana stands, "All that matters is, we're alive, I kicked Ares ass, and we can continue through the Mibu castle with little worry!"

"It's dangerous for you guys to be here," states Yuya, frowning with concern.

"Aw, aren't you cute?" rasps Merrick, grinning lecherously at Yuya and holding his ribs in pain, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth.

"He really did a number on you," comments Sasuke.

"You're such a whore, Merrick," says Nana coolly.

"Who are you brats?" questions Bon, his single eye narrowed in suspicion.

Nana sighs, "My name is Nana, this cowardice dumbass is Ares, the manwhore slash molester is Merrick, and the short kid is Wrath," she replies.

"I'm not that short," growls Wrath, glaring at her.

"What are you kids doing here?" asks Akari curiously.

"We've all got our own personal goals, and each one lies here in the Mibu land," explains Wrath, poking Nana in the ribs, while muttering, "Don't make fun of my height."

"I'll make fun of it when ever the hell i want, and there's nothing you can do about it!" retorts Nana, punching him in the arm in response to him poking her.

"Punch me again and see what happens," growls Wrath, glaring at her.

Nana smirks, and punches him.

Wrath bares his teeth at her, and starts to lean forward, only to be pulled back by the collar of his back shirt, and into the arms of Merrick, "No no no, can't have you fight with the princess," he teases playfully.

Wrath jerks an elbow out, catching Merrick in the stomach, spins around, and knees the man in the balls.

Merrick collapses with a wheeze and a grunt, quickly curling into the fetal position and holding his privates, "W-Why?"

"I told you to stop feeling me up, asswipe," he states, staring down at the raven haired man coldly.

"So why are you guys here?" asks Ares, trying to turn the attention away from the weeping, pathetic Merrick.

"To kick ass," chorus the others, with a few mumbled, "revenge," or, "WORLD DOMINATION!" I think we all know who that last one was.

Nana stares at Bon, "Seriously? Well, let me know how that works out for you." 

"Why are you kids here?" Kyo repeats the question this time, "We don't need some dumb brats following us around," he adds.

(dramatic music plays)

"What the- where'd that music come from?" mutters Sasuke, startled. 

(a spotlight shines on Ares) "I am here to take the treasure of the Mibu, and with it become the greatest thief that's ever lived!" he declares boldly.

(Nana stands tall and proud, katana poised in front of her as the spotlight shines on her) "Those Mibu assholes took something of mine, and I want it back!"

"That's quite the statement," comments Akira.

"This is weird," says Hotaru, hunched over and poking a caterpillar with a random twig, "I've never seen a pink one before."

(a spotlight shines Merrick, still curled into the fetal position) "I-I just came to kick ass...and spend some time with Wrath-chan," he rasps weakly.

"And we can tell it's going great," comments Tora sarcastically, "Poor guy."

(A spotlight suddenly shines on Wrath, the last one, a cool, calm, collected expression on his features) "I want answers. These Mibu bastards have them."

(the music comes to it's loud, dramatic climax, the teens taking up various poses. Merrick still on the ground, in pain)

"All i can say is.." pipes up Bon, "Is that you're all a buncha morons."

"That entire thing was Ares' idea," states Wrath, swiping a hand through his bangs.

"So? It was cool!" protests the brunette.

"They're right. It was retarded," says Nana.

"Can someone help me up?" asks Merrick, reaching a hand out toward someone, anyone. 

"IT WAS BRILLIANT!" exclaims Ares loudly.

"Hey, you guys..." calls Merrick.

"It was retarded," deadpans Wrath, "You made us look bad you ass. And now, you'll pay," he states, as he and Nana approach the teen.

"OI!! DON'T IGNORE ME IN FAVOR OF KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF THAT TURD!" shrieks Merrick.

"HELP!" screams Ares, cornered.

"What the hell just happened?" asks Yuya, eyes wide.

"I think its best that we don't ask, Yuya-han," Tora says gently, looking on as Wrath and Nana pummel Ares, and Merrick shouts obscenities at his 'partners'.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000  
Ha this was the pointless one. Crazy, I kno. So Merrick is sorta introduced randomly, and YAY big surprise, SDK main charries actually show up! WOOT! Please review. Questions, ask me. In a review. Hint hint.


End file.
